Narcissism and Domestic Violence

Do you find yourself sometimes wondering if you’re going crazy? It doesn’t seem to matter the context: you experience events in one way, and your partner informs you that you’re dead wrong. Maybe it’s time to consider the possibility that you are being manipulated by a narcissist who is more intent on controlling you than in sharing a fulfilling relationship. If that is the case, it could be just the beginning of a painful, even violent, relationship.

Does this Sound Familiar? 

Is your partner an expert at making you question yourself? Do you find that you feel confused and unsure much of the time? If so, it may be because you are dealing with a narcissist. The good times are long gone but you find yourself reluctant to move on, largely because you’re not actually sure about what’s happening, and you don’t completely trust your own account of your history together. Perhaps it’s left you feeling apprehensive or unhappy, and maybe even led to a sense of isolation. It won’t hurt to take a strong look at your relationship.

Their Words and Actions are Intended to Exert Power

It’s important to understand that narcissistic abuse is an intentional series of words and actions focused on control. Any narcissist has lived through a certain amount of pain, and through it all learned to inflict pain on others–in this case, you. One particularly heinous tool they rely on is gaslighting. They make you question yourself by denying reality, offering their own version of the facts. Day by day, they slowly erode your conviction in your own observations. That ability to get you to question yourself is where they get their power. Your gut tells you things are not right, but you no longer trust your gut, making you less committed to leaving a harmful relationship. And that means that the emotional abuse could turn to physical abuse before you realize what’s happening.

Control to Conquer

A narcissist is an expert at making you question yourself. They have several strategies to accomplish this:

• Distorting the facts: They challenge your memory of events and minimize you in the process by making you seem blind to reality, overly emotional, or just plain stupid.
• Outright lying: Even in the face of provable facts, they tell a different version of what happened, saying black is white and up is down. It’s so extreme that you begin to believe that no one could possibly lie about it.
• Belittling feelings: You are repeatedly berated because of your feelings. The narcissist disparages you and claims you can’t handle yourself because your emotions are a roller coaster.
• Blaming you: You are labeled as ungrateful, selfish, careless, and frivolous. You are to blame for all arguments, failures, and disappointments in the relationship.
• Violent outbursts: Ultimately, a narcissist may become so frustrated that they become physically violent.

Know What You’re Dealing With

If you believe you are being manipulated, and that your relationship is harmful to you and your children, escaping the relationship may be the smart move for you. The experienced Miami domestic violence attorneys at The Law Office of Julia Kefalinos can help. Contact our Miami office today for a confidential consultation.