Coercive Control and Gaslighting can be Abusive

Gaslighting is a term we hear a lot these days, but what does it really mean, and how damaging is it in an intimate relationship? The truth is that gaslighting is a form of coercive control that can be extremely hurtful and destructive.

What Gaslighting Looks Like 

Are you in a relationship where an intimate partner is gaslighting you in order to attempt to change the reality of the situation and blame you for what’s going on? You may be if your partner tends to distort the facts and undermine you by engaging in these types of behaviors:

• Denying the situation, your needs, or your feelings;
• Causing you to blame yourself for a problem that is clearly their doing;
• Making you feel that your own feelings and interpretations around events may be wrong;
• Causing you to lose confidence in yourself;
• Trivializing your opinions;
• Making you feel more dependent on your partner.

Coercive Control 

Intimate partners who use coercive control as a means to keep you under their thumb benefit from your compliance, while you end up sacrificing your own wellbeing and safety. It is basically entrapping you through manipulation, and it is a form of abuse. If it’s happening, it’s possible the behaviors will become more frequent and intense over time as you become confused, anxious, isolated from family, or depressed.

Other Abuse Often in Tandem with Gaslighting 

While gaslighting is used to control, it is just one of many tools of abusive individuals.  It is often combined with verbal abuse, emotional battery, financial control, and physical or sexual abuse. Relationships that may start out as incredibly romantic can slowly slide into abuse in small ways, until you are experiencing abuse that you never thought possible.

Behaviors to Raise Alarms 

Abusive partners often engage in troubling behaviors that should start alarm bells ringing for you:

• Repeated apologies;
• Seeming confused over your distress;
• Lies;
• Diverting you to other topics;
• Trivializing your thoughts and experiences;
• “Forgetting” promises or events;
• Questioning your version of events.

Take Steps to Protect Yourself 

There are things you can do to protect yourself:

• Share concerns with those who can validate your feelings;
• Watch your partner’s actions, in addition to words;
• Record what you can with photos, documents, a journal, etc.;
• Maintain connections with friends and family;
• Make a safety plan in case things get violent;
• Contact local shelters or hotlines for help;
• Never blame yourself for what is happening.

Legal Protections 

Gaslighting is a clear and identifiable sign that your relationship is in trouble and that you may not be physically safe. The experienced Miami domestic violence attorneys at The Law Office of Julia Kefalinos can help. Schedule a confidential consultation today in our Miami office.