Domestic Violence: When Things Escalate

You’ve seen the temper, but it’s never been physical. Then it turned into punching walls. Throwing objects. Still, you were never harmed. Until you were. What are your options at this point?

Types of Escalation 

Escalation refers to changing abuse patterns. It can be either gradual or sudden”

• Gradual: Slowly intensifying aggression, such as verbal insults that become more cutting;
• Sudden: When one form of aggression turns into another, such as when emotional abuse becomes physical.

In either case, survivors of abuse often experience aggression they never imagined would occur. Their partners genuinely surprise and shock survivors by demonstrating levels of abuse survivors didn’t imagine partners capable of.

It’s Dangerous

Clearly, when abuse escalates, it puts survivors in danger. Abusers become comfortable demonstrating new and more vicious methods to exert control. They cross one line, then aim for another, always aware of what they can get away with in a quest for power. This type of escalation often occurs in the moments that indicate abusers are losing control. A partner stands up to them– or even tries to leave. Abusers deliver harsher actions as a warning: submit or be punished. Some of the most perilous warning signs include:

• Intense jealousy;
• Threats of suicide;
• Intensified physical violence;
• Guns or weapons easily available;
• Attempts to strangle or choke;
• Evidence your partner is capable of lethal violence.

Get Out

For survivors who are trying to manage escalating violence, it’s important to understand that things will not improve without a major intervention, and if there are no clear signs that things are changing, they will stay on the same path. What can you do?

• Make an escape plan.
• Have an escape bag ready with identification, cash, medicines, and other necessities.
• Be aware of local shelter locations.
• Have a burner phone you can use so you can’t be tracked.
• Have a spare set of car keys available.
• Have a reliable ally to assist if possible, and a code word that is your go word.
• Physically practice your escape.
• When the time is right, go and don’t look back.

Protect Yourself After Your Escape

Expect your abuser to look for you. That means you have to take measured steps to protect your location:

• Use a PO box as your mailing address.
• Apply to the address confidentiality program.
• Cancel credit cards and bank accounts and establish new ones in a different bank.
• Change all usernames and passwords on social media, or better yet, avoid it all together.
• Stick to a burner phone or an unlisted landline.
• Get a restraining order.
• Stay alert; your abuser may very well try to stalk you.

Legal Help

The dedicated Miami domestic violence attorneys at The Law Office of Julia Kefalinos understand the difficulties of your situation and are here to advise and provide the legal protections available. To discuss, schedule a confidential consultation in our Miami office today.